Loves Labours Learned

1. Women don't want to hear about your ex(es)  maybe in time but not initially. Girls, they don't want to hear about ours either.  2. Hey you: If you think a woman is pretty don't follow up your comment with " is your sister younger or older than you?" That's why I didn't reply to you. Also, see point number one.  3. If you are married consider yourself lucky. There are many men and women who would love to have a spouse, children, security... keep your blank in your pants in your own house. The women on dating sites don't need your married dirty playboy three ring circus.  That's about all for now. Sigh. I can breathe ..

The sun is up.  Everywhere people are striving to make and take money.  Men ask me, the all defining question: "What do you do?" I know what I don't do: I don't want for more free time.  I don't have a Hellish commute.  I don't look in the mirror and feel hatred at myself for a job that goes agaisnt my morals.  "It's just a job", he said, when I asked him if he felt guilt that he was the engineer that repaired the broken machines that make billions of coffee cups that litter our streets.  It is 8:00 am. My cat has already said good morning. My boss: myself, feels like it is time for coffee and an eventual shower.  I guess if I felt that that job defined him, I can't wonder why people ask me so quickly what I do.  I write books, I make art, I volunteer, I clean houses. Nothing that I do makes me feel ashamed.  I will answer the question "What do you do?" with pride from now on.  And today I will work on my biggest project. Healing my...

Hier soir j'ai dit que vous avez m'appris le patience. Aujourd'hui je donne ce patience une journée.  C'est qu'est ce que j'ai besoin pour découvrir quelque chose ou pour le laisser pour toujours.  I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry. 

He denounced my beliefs.  He denounced you.  He chipped at my heart, But i got the last laugh on the bus with my friend:) " just go", I said as he said his piece while I sat at the piano. "Just go", I said when he said he still wanted to be my friend.  Have your drugs and your lust for 18 year olds and your closeted ways.  I'm too good for you. I was doing something with my life before you decided you were going to kiss me while you were high.  You took four days of my life.  But I love who I love, who I've always loved and always will. And that includes my cat. No I won't "just put him out in the hall".  You can change your name but you can't change people. At your age you should know that.  Kindly,

You.  you who's been in a war.  You.  who's known love, but not freedom.  You.  whose shirt I am crying on, with its rips and your blood.  I am free. Have known love, but I come from the same place as You.  I won't get all gushy.  But I know how I feel. The feelings ebb and flow like our moods but.., Tomorrow a celestial miracle will occur.  And I will be there to share it with You. 

No return.  I said it, and got no return. 

Now home, one Bon Iver album and dried tears later... I think of you.  How do you sleep? Are you curled up; stretched out? Thinking of.... maybe:  me?? Do you snore? I do. (Sorry) Do you like to sleep entangled? I wonder.  What would it be like to spend a night at your house?   I like our one on one time.   Dear God I am so jealous.  Please help me. Help me not to rush.  Sleep is likely his. Let it be mine.  Let it be so I have my energy to give to him tomorrow. 

Pen to paper.  Words to whisper.  A kiss a taste of the salt on your neck.  We pinky swore.  That we would give up on celebrity adoration.  And we will. I have?  Please. I have.  And so God.  You test my faith. You try to turn me.  But I told you how I asked God for you.  And here you are. Even your prior misgivings couldn't question that.  So you kissed me.  And tonight I will tuck my cat in, And hug hard the conviction that true love can really exist.  My one.  Because I believe you are.  Any doubt creates doubt upon doubt upon doubt upon death ... Believe that we have enough beauty in our bodies and our minds to build a foundation Dear Heaven; A child, A child so wondrous that You and I will wonder how love existed before because after it can only exist in spades. 

We left together.  You who jumps in anger with a friendly touch.  We sat on the bus. Never having been so close.  And as the day wore on we met up with our mutual friend. Someone I hold so dear. Someone who looks out for me and protects me.  Three, for once - Thank God!  - for once wasn't a crowd. Because we all share a common past and it connects us like outsiders would never understand.  We shared a drink on the hill. A smoke. Our laughter. Our bitterness. My anger. "Okay, just chill," you said. And we changed the subject.       Men don't vilify me like women can.  So we saw you home and then you and I wondered where to go with a few hours to kill.  Me, ever a woman, wanted to shop. But sensible you said let's go sit at the picnic table.  We bonded over a shared love of the album "Solace". And I wanted to tell you how I bought the singer roses but ended up giving them to a homeless man on the way to the concert. Way back...

The traffic crawls below. From high above I know their frustration As I have been there.  Rush hour. Summer. No A/C The drivers could be sad, angry, late, suicidal.  But somehow they command more respect than me.  "They're men with jobs, Jerry!" - George Costanza, Seinfeld I am at my balcony table. 5pm, a beer.... I can do whatever I want. But what do I want to do? (Cry) "Cry because of loss" - Morrissey The people in cars would maybe envy my freedom, but I have no freedom of the mind. Their days are full; their beds are full.  Their hands often held. I chase love like it is a drug. "Hook it to my veins!!!" - Barney Gumble, The Simpsons So what do I do? Choke back the tears while drinking beer. And knit. Hoping someone will call me.