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To where I was

Do I want a child.... or do I want to be a child?
Tired, so tired of
Being let down.
Stood up, pointed out, lied to,
cheated.

I used to take solace in my knitting.
I dreamt about it.
The dreamy entrancement of the flick of
yarn over needles.

I would rise early just to
knit a few rows before work.
Then, I was happy.
I had a man's body in my bed.

A man who loved me, whom I loved.


Now I keep saying "knit".
I write it on to-do lists.
And when I finally do it,
I get distracted.

Plan:

Make one room a complete sanctuary.
No bad memories, No distractions.
Let the sun in;
observe the sky;
ignore the phone.


Try to get back to where I was.





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