Loves Labours Learned

I am walking towards a grocery store. To my right are a couple approaching too. What strikes me: Her Dress.       Flesh toned , thin straps - skin tight. i feel shame at my billowy tie - dy ed dress,          shame at my larger frame Struck by my own ugliness at the grocery store in the face of brazen sexuality. Two feet from the door a different woman's voice bellows from behind: "Excuse me" - I turn, bracing for confrontation. She is putting her shopping cart away.  Her face is soft; embracing... "That's a really beautiful dress and it looks really good on you." "Oh, (shock), thank you". I am beaming.  Lit from the inside out.   I don't cry.  For once I don't cry. God Bless this woman for saving a piece of me.

Do I want a child .... or do I want to be a child ? Tired, so tired of Being let down. Stood up, pointed out, lied to, cheated. I used to take solace in my knitting. I dreamt about it. The dreamy entrancement of the flick of yarn over needles. I would rise early just to knit a few rows before work. Then, I was happy. I had a man's body in my bed. A man who love d me, whom I love d. Now I keep saying " knit ". I write it on to-do lists. And when I finally do it, I get distracted. Plan: Make one room a complete sanctuary. No bad memories, No distractions. Let the sun in; observe the sky; ignore the phone. Try to get back to where I was.

Heartache, heartache, loneliness I texted you; I tested you... (and you came back so kind) A nervous afternoon, but then... I fell in Love with you that day I was drunk on love "Lost in the haze of the Wine"        - The Airborne Toxic Event Cuddle me - a simple touch, Let me breath e in your ear I have waited on God 's timing for you; You're an angel. "Every person is a new door opening up into other worlds"                                                    - Six degrees of separation